Pity little thing.

Today at work I stumbled upon this great little article and discussion thread...

The author asks us sufferers the following...

"Life changes when you get arthritis. Whatever your life was like before arthritis, it's undeniable that your illness becomes a big factor in all you'll do going forward. Yes, it's a factor, but how much of a factor? Does each patient decide that for himself or herself -- or does arthritis decide? Think about it."

For me (as someone who has only recently been dealing with this disease) it is hard to say how much of a factor arthritis plays in my life.

I mean most people I see from day-to-day have no idea I have PA, but to be completely honest, I think this is because I don't want them to know. So therefore PA is restricting me in the aspect of not being completely honest about myself, but is that level of honesty neccesary? Should I just walk up to people and say "Hi my name is Kristy and I have Psoriatic Arthritis?" No. Not at all. It is difficult because I do not want to know how people will react (will they treat me differently?), but mostly I just fear that I will starting living my life like PA defines me.

It's a complete paradox; "Do not judge me for fear that I may judge myself", and maybe I do, I don't feel ashamed, and I certainly do not use PA as an excuse to not live life (hence past adventures like skydiving and future endeavors like hiking in Jamaica). I have an active lifestyle, and high self-esteem, but this whole "having a disease" thing just seems so strange to me. It is as though I still do not believe that the daily pain I have could possibly be arthritis. That, and the fact that I am not comfortable with "help"; something I am sure will have to change as I get older. Along the same lines, the thought that anyone might pity me makes me feel physically ill. I am independent, and I have always liked that about myself, but what do I do when I am being forced to face the reality that I might need help in the future?


Maybe this blog will help me figure it all out, but, for now, all I am certain of is that just thinking about these types of questions is a good thing.